How far would one go to find that perfect someone?

OK, so I know there are countless blogs out there asking the same question – do long distance relationships really work? What are the fundamental pillars that make or break a LDR? It seems that no matter what answers I read, I never really felt like I’ve fully connected with the situations experienced by other people. This is why I’d like to put my situation out there and ask YOU, from your experience, what do you think.

When I was growing up as a teenager, the thought of having a 6 months relationship was hard enough. I use to say to friends who have had relationships that lasted for more than 12 months -”how did you do it? I’m so impressed”. So I guess it’s not hard to believe when I say that I never thought of myself as someone who would (or could) maintain a proper relationship with a guy until when I’ve reached my late 20s or early 30s. It might have something to do with my own childhood with never really having a proper father figure around – but that’s another story. (Note, I must make is clear that I was never those girls who went out with countless guys either. I was a nerdy student who did her homework till 3am and overtly (and still very much) concentrated on her career more than anything else).

Back in 2005, when I was working for a film company and finishing off my first degree, I met my now very good friend, Sue. Sue at the time was in a 4year long distance relationship with a guy who lived in the UK (we are from Australia). And through our lunch chats, she told me she would fly over to the UK once or twice a year and he sometimes would fly down to spend some time with her. The lengths of stay were never really that long, maybe 2-3 weeks between annual leaves.

I remember saying to her “I can’t see myself ever having a long distance relationship. I don’t even think I can do a proper short distance relationships yet let alone long term/long distance”.

After the film company role, we lost touch. The next time I saw her was 2 years later and she was no longer with that guy.

Sue told me later on that she was deeply hurt for a very long time. She said would never enter into another long distance relationship because it’s just too hard. It hurts too much and with that particular relationship, it was “4 years of (her) life wasted. 4 year of (her) life that (she) would never get back again”.

And then last year I met someone. Life is funny that way.  For the first time I met someone I felt completely at ease with. I’m not sure if you, my reader, have ever felt this way too.. ? When I was with this person, I really felt like there was no need to put on a best behaviour; I could fall sleep feeling completely safe; we often passed time in complete silence but felt like we were sharing thousands of words at the same time. We had discussions about various things of life. Have you ever felt this way before?

He came over last October to see me and that was the last time we saw each other.  Since then both of our work situations intensified – partially due to extra tension with the global financial crises. Communication has slowly drizzled from daily to a few days, then a week and now 2-3 weeks. I know it’s partially because of myself. deep down I am scared of the thought of what if I am not the person that he thinks that I can or could be? What if I don’t actually measure up to his expectations? He made it clear that he is at the age of marrying someone and therefore would treat relationships rather seriously – what if we gave our 100% and when the 2 of us can really came together,  he suddenly finds out that I am not what he’s looking for? Would I not have wasted his time? I think I’d feel terrible if this turns out to be the case. In addition, I’ve always had this fear of letting people too close to myself. I don’t want to waste his chance of meeting someone else but when I think of letting him go, my heart really hurts.

So I am really lost. If anyone reads this post, I’d be interested to read your thoughts.  I am really confused.